1. Wife abuse only occurs in lower socio-economic groups.

         Domestic violence is a problem that cuts across all economic lines and knows no boundary of race, religion, occupation, or age. However, lower economic groups are often over-represented in statistics on wifebeating. This occurs because middle or upper class woman simply has more resources. She can consult a private physician or psychiatrist rather than go to a public hospital or social service agency. She also may be more reluctant to call the police because of the effect it might have on her husband's job and reputation.

2. Battered women must enjoy the abuse, otherwise they would take the children and leave.

         This statement reflects the widespread belief that battered women are masochistic and like to be beaten. However, this is simply not the case. I do not know of any woman who found it sexually arousing to have her eyes blackened or her nose broken. Wife abuse bears no resemblance to playful wrestling or "love pats." The "pats" a battered woman receives are likely to leave her bruised, bleeding - or in the hospital. If these women do not derive pleasure from the abuse, then why do they stay? there are a number of reasons.

         To begin with, many women remain in violent situations because they feel sorry for their husbands. . . .

         Women also find it difficult to get out of a violent situation because of the psychological effects of living with a wife-beater. . . .

         Finally, other family members and well-meaning friends may pressure a woman to remain married "for the sake of the children." . . .

         But emotional involvement is not the only reason that women stay in a violent relationship. Economic factors frequently play an important part. Many battered women lack job skills and experience and are therefore incapable of supporting themselves and their children. Even women who are employed still face difficulties. For example, they many not be able to raise money for the first and last month's rent required by most landlords. If a woman does not work, if her family cannot help her, and if welfare grants are not enough to live on, she may eventually decide that being beaten is the price she must pay for financial survival.

         Still another reason that battered women don't leave their husbands is, quite simply, fear. It is quite common for a man to threaten that he will come after his wife and kill her or other family members should she try to leave.

         Finally, getting out of a violent relationship is often made more difficult by a lack of community resources. Even if there are shelters or safe houses in the area, these facilities ordinarily operate at full capacity, and a woman may have to wait days or weeks before there is room for her and her children. Many women also find it virtually impossible to obtain legal counsel. The middle class woman is often in a particularly difficult position - her income level makes her ineligible for legal aid and she usually can't afford a private attorney. A problem like this frequently deters women from obtaining restraining orders and filing for separation or divorce.

3. If a woman gets beaten, it's probably because she did something to provoke her husband .

4. The woman who is really serious about solving the problem could just have her husband arrested and put in jail.

5. Most battered women grew up in families where there was violence.

         "Studies indicate that less than half of the women who are battered were exposed to violence as they were growing up. Many abused women came from "nice, respectable" families where daughters were overprotected and sheltered from unpleasant realities. . . .

         Finally, battered women were usually also brought up according to a traditional sex role model; they were expected to be dependent, submissive, and to see their main function in life as being a wife and mother. later, these women tend to believe that they have primary responsibility for making the marriage a success. Since divorce is viewed as a personal failure, they feel they must keep the relationship together at all costs.

6. If a battered woman remarries, she will usually choose another violent man.

Historical Precedents for Wifebeating
Social factors currently contributing to the incidence of wife abuse
Who is the Battered Woman?
What kind of man beats a woman?
Patterns of interaction among violent couples
Questions and answers about domestic violence
If you are living with violence
What can be done about wife abuse

      For any one seriously interested in real-life, practical information on wife battering, this book is well worth reading in its entirety. I had to stop reading the book at this point because it was too painful to continue reading about this facet of women's lives.

e-mail sunshine@pinn.net